What is my life but a heart full of lies
And what are my allies but those breaking the ties
And Angels and Demons surround me in the hall
When the lights go down I am nothing at all
I pull off my masks and start a new show
And reveal to the world all the pain that I know
The bones start grinding and crunching in time
And the blood falls and sings to me a new rhyme
Suicidal pains and the hope for one of many dead ends
The grave is sitting empty from living best friends
These smiles are forced, painted on, and slipping
And my mind won't stop tripping and falling and skipping
But these lies keep coming out of your mouth and cry out
That can't see past my false alibi and into self doubt
This tragic self loathing and pain is coming out of my heart
And I'm drowning myself to the song of the lark
A sad little mourning bird with a cry to match my own
And it reminds me of every little seed of pain you've sown
Isn't it obvious? They're all blooming now
And one day, I promise, you will know how
A word turns into a promise, and a promise into a lie
And each lie is another strain on an already broken tie
If we keep pushing and pulling and pushing away
How can we expect to find ourselves one day
They say it's okay, that it's only a phase
But they can't see the scars that bleed on for days
They don't know the words that stab deeper than knives
They don't have the words that could stand and save lives
You pour another drink and sit down by the fire
And let it all go to Hell to the tune of the lyre
The gods are all breathing pain and despair
In such great amounts that it's filling the air
Taking what's mine and throwing it to the side
Feel that life is nothing more than thorns in a broken pride
Tonight is the night where I pick up the knife
And, much to your amusement, take my own life
Don't say it will be okay one day
Don't tell me it wasn't meant to end this way
This is the way that I can see what I could be
On the inside, blood running for all to see
So call me a poser and call me a fake
Know that one day neither you nor I shall wake
When we drift about in whatever may lie beyond
Know that of your lies I never was fond
Things have taken a turn for the worst. Where light used to radiate from every otherwise darkened corner, I now see only these terrible shadows. I'm chained to a wall of despair. Sometimes I just want to break free. But the only way out is to take out my oppressors. If I can defeat them, I can unchain myself. Stick a gun to their filthy heads and pull that trigger. Scratch the itch. They never cared about me, so why should I have some sort of mercy? If I'm just trash, then I'll act like it. Teachers aren't very observant, obviously. I've cried in class and had a total mental breakdown. I couldn't breathe for a while, and what breath I did manage to suck in was hot and heavy, like I was breathing in an oven. My eyes were red and swollen shut, tears stained my cheeks. My teacher looked at me for two seconds and told me to go outside. I stepped out quickly, grateful to be away from the prying eyes and the hurtful remarks. She came outside, grasped me firmly by the shoulders, and told me to stop causing drama. I opened my eyes into slits, as that was as far as they'd open, and glared at her. Then she fussed at me for that. We stood in the hallway, me trying to breathe and stammer out responses while she went off with the all-out force of a hurricane. So if you guys "care" just that much, then screw the hell off. I don't need you. And I promise that every fucking one of you will wind up with a bullet lodged in your head for the rest of your short lives. I will come back one day and I'm gonna kill you all. I don't care how, I don't care when. But one day, you won't be ready. It'll be easy. A knife; a gun, preferrably...its all so easy these days. What is the point of telling teens 'no' now? Quite honestly, the options for discipline aren't very useful.
Hit a teen. Its the mistake my grandparents made. You hit a teen, and it just makes them bounce back with twice their rebellious glory. Hit me, and I leave home for a week. The whole damn family thinks I'm dead. Before you know it, my own damn grandmother posts my death on Facebook. Well, that went over OH-SO 'well' when I came back. No one would listen to me, and no one would trust me. So I knew something was wrong with me. If people hated me so much, I must be wrong. So then I came to the realization "Oh, my God, I'm bisexual...I...I'm in love with a girl!" and before you know it, I'm begging her to love me in return. So I decided to let them in on my life. It was worse. The alienation hurt, but the downright, deliberate disrespect from my own FAMILY hurt like hell. My wrists cried crimson tears for a while after that. I was caught at school with scars. To them, that was as bad as waving a gun around. Before I knew it, I had councilors and police on my ass 24/7, and was standing up for myself. I was rebelling against the school with my friends. Bad move. Ask anyone who went to Carl Stuart. You want to know the outcome? Look at me now.
No comments:
Post a Comment